Pykon, episode 6 recap

Surprise, it's an Apocalypse!

The episode kicks off with Amberle being woken by Wil. They sneak off, enjoy an abandoned playground, and make out. Wil takes his shirt off 'cause hot elf boys can't keep their clothes on (hey I'm not complaining). Sadly, he turns into a demon. #dreamfail 

Amberle wakes up, and Eretria's dick kinda-dad Cephelo hassles the Princess for moaning in her sleep, probably about Wil, who he calls "mongrel". Eretria looks jealous at the thought of Amberle having a sex dream about Wil. AWKWARD.

In the city, the shapeshifter, now posing as King Eventine, listens to Prince Douche spill the beans on his bro and Mission Gnome. Instead of caring, the king wants to talk about how Allanon the druid is probs evil, claiming Magic Man knows about a hidden blade that can kill The Dagda Mor.

The Prince turns insta anti-druid, announcing he’ll find the blade and take out Allanon. (Question: Should the heir to the throne be THIS easy to manipulate?)

Amberle and crew are worried about spies, so they change course and head for the fortress Pykon. (Elf soldier Crispin thinks the place isn't real, but Eretria’s dad says it is.) Upside, Amberle is cool with being in charge now. Downside, they have a stalker.

Yeah, the demon from last ep. Why won't
these things die already?! YOU CAN'T SIT WITH US.

 Druid visits Vision Boy Bandon, whose mind is still in a coma slash prison. His elven almost-girlfriend Catania pops by just as Bandon sits up with black eyes, grabs Allanon's arm, and drags his consciousness to the demon - turns out the Dagda Mor is into gloating.

Meanwhile Allanon's possessed body tries to strangle Catania. Price Number One attempts to save her but Allanon knocks him down. Luckily the druid regains control, and demands they leave.

Prince Arion easily convinces Catania that Allanon is corrupted (oh ye of little faith). He asks where the knife could be hidden, claiming she "knows the palace". You mean the same palace he grew up in? And is set to rule? #wtf

You totes mean the hidden chamber beneath the dungeon, right?

Prince Ander, Commander Tilton, and the gnome Slanter stumble on a lot of gnome corpses. (Ick Factor: High.) Slanter is cut, and wants to practice funeral rites. Ander undoes his cuffs, but Slanter gets tricky, pulls a knife, and bolts.  #nogooddeedgoesunpunished

Amberle and co decide the perfect place to start arguing is on a snowy mountain ledge. Someone needs to introduce team building exercises already. While bitching, they notice an enormous fortress.

Inside they find a kid sure to murder and haunt, or haunt and murder. (TV is giving me trust issues.) A spooky dude called Remo emerges, claiming he's the fortress' caretaker and says the path through the mountains has collapsed. #suspicious

Amberle is bathing when Eretria climbs in and makes a move. WOW did not see that coming. Guess hate sex is still a legit thing in the future. Eretria's tatt is revealed. While she says slave mark, I'm getting more of a Chosen One vibe. 

Cephalo is busy trying to convince Crispin their host is dodgy af when Remo invites them to dinner. Wil stays at the door to keep watch. (Love that Crispin is all, this fortress is impenetrable, and Wil's like, you mean the one we walked into? #burn)

You know that Pick Up Artist stuff doesn't work right?

Meanwhile Prince Douche and Blondie have hit the basement. Because the elves insist on decorating everything, the walls are covered in elven hieroglyphics. They read the writing on the wall (literally), get touchy-feely with symbols, stuff starts spinning, and voila - a magic blade.

The elven version of Pottery Barn must be awesome.

At the fortress, the kid brings food to Wil. The rest have dinner at a table that makes me think of a scene from a Narnia novel for some reason.

We're not eating Aslan, are we?

How To Host A Dinner Party and Insult People: Cephalo insists his parents were tortured to death in the fortress while their host argues no torture took place, and they probably just ditched him. WAY HARSH REMO.

Out front, Wil, total sweetheart that he is, makes friends with the child Mag. They bond over dead moms and Wil lets her keep his seashell, just as the drugged food takes effect.

He wakes up under decorative wind chimes. #thisplaceisweird Mag tells him to be quiet, and has a knife to back up the request. Wil negotiates, telling Mag they’ll take her with them. Cut to the crew regaining consciousness and finding themselves part of the decor ie. hanging from a chandelier. Amberle tells freaky Remo she’s the Princess—sadly this news doesn't have the desired effect.

Stabbing him in the back? Whoa. Not honorable at all, Prince Douche.

Back at Elf Capital, Allanon tries to defend himself to the king, but Prince No 1 is all, no way magic man, you're A-Grade ev-AL. The Prince attacks right when the druid realizes the king is a shapeshifter. Satay stick'd Allanon catches fire and turns into smoke. The fake king thinks he’s dead, but my money is on the druid avoiding the afterlife a la Sam and Dean Winchester.

Amberle wakes up to find Remo is a trained torturer. Her grandpa tried to wipe him out after the war, and  turns out he’s not the forgiving type. Amberle explains her mission, but the end of the world doesn't phase him; he goths out, stating the darkness is his home. Strike Two for the Princess.

Mag runs in claiming she stabbed Wil. In the other room Erretria’s gone full Circe du Soleil and does a twisty thing - voila, she's free. Not fast enough for Amberle though: torture porn guy is about to do a stage one super-crude lobotomy. Surprise! The kid lets a still-alive Wil in.

God no, not the dentist.

Things get a bit Kill Wil until Mag wallops Remo on the head (you go little girl!) and Wil gets a chance to finish him off. He thanks the child, and then frees Amberle from the root canal contraption. The others rush in to save them, but are late to the party. Eretria is cut up to see Amberle and Wil making out.

FINALLY.

Back to that super-important mission the audience forgot about...

Prince Nice Guy and his Commander ex are walking the hills. The prince hashtags all his tweets #loser cause he feels stupid for getting played. Commander Tilton admits she's still hot for him, and he talks about his guilt over his brother's death. 

Slanter interrupts; now on Team World Save, he shows them the approaching demon army. They send Slanter off to tell his peeps what’s the haps. Slanter is all, we would so have a bromance if I hadn't murdered your actual bro, and the Prince is like, totally. 

Amberle's crew is exiting the fortress when the not-quite-dead Remo crawls out and tries to shoot Wil. Mag jumps in front of him, and dies: so long kid, you were a hero. Amberle stabs Remo. Since the day doesn't suck enough, the demon rocks up and Crispin stays to take on the monster. Legit crazy-brave, considering he dies pretty much instantly. #RIPcutebutsurlyelf

Outside, Eretria’s pseudo dad convinces her to get on the flying monkey, promising they’ll send it back for the others. Then he tries to cut the rope, but she stops him. When Cephalo argues Will won't choose her, she says so be it, and goes back anyway. MAJOR PROPS. This episode is the first time I’ve liked Eretria. (It feels as if the actress has settled into the part more.)

The demon comes out and tries to follow them, so Cephalo is all, over it, and cuts the cord. Our 3 heroes plummet into the abyss. 

OMFG

Till next time xx