Utopia, episode 8 recap

The episode opener makes me feel sorry for our ex-Rover. They say you spend a third of your life sleeping, but for Eretria a third of her screen time is spent being held hostage, blackmailed, and/or transported as a prisoner.

She’s taken to a human settlement, apparently in Amish country. A tatted-up hot guy from an MTV music video barters for Eretria. The only pro side of being purchased is that she receives medical treatment from someone other than Wil the dodgy healer.

Meanwhile Wil and Amberle are running through the forest. Feeling bad about losing Eretria again, they almost get caught in the troll version of a nasty birdcage with killer spikes.

At the elf Palace seer boy Bandon visits the crazy troublemaking tree Ellcrys that kickstarted this whole adventure. Druid Allanon corners him and goes all Obi-wan again; informing his Padawan he has to become a druid to survive.

Side note: I take back the bit about decent medical care for Eretria. Question for the human settlement hospital. How old must that bag of IV fluid be? That’s pre-Apocalyptic packaging!

Wake up and smell the expiry date!

Music Video Guy informs Eretria she’s free to go whenever she wants—even if he did buy her.

Amberle is having race guilt, since the elves have a harsh record when it comes to human rights violations—not to mention troll rights. But Wil reminds her they’re saving THE WORLD, which is a legit goal, making up for her fam's past.

Amberle suddenly decides to have a romantic discussion. (Could she be more teen girl right now?). Earlier Wil suggested they “rest” before searching for their captured friend, which apparently is future code for hooking up because now they’re gettin' busy…

#gratuitousabshot

…Only to be interrupted by Eretria’s non-dad Cephalus. WHO SUCKS. But he does know stuff, so they join forces again.

Back at Camp Human, Eretria discovers working firearms. Apparently, along with cockroaches, the gun lobby survived the Apocalypse #Ihaveabadfeelingaboutthis Eretria explains the Save The Tree/Save The World storyline she’s committed to.

The future is one long Coachella.

So how are things at the Elf Palace? Turns out Last Prince Standing aint doing so well. Not feeling the king thing, he wants to abdicate. Druid Allanon is hella unimpressed.

Wil and Amberle finally reach the human settlement. Cephelo, who led them there, hugs Wil goodbye, and am I the only one who thinks he stole the stones? Why else would he get touchy?

Eretria is all dressed up but I have an even worse vibe now. The encampment has mastered electricity, which is wildly exciting for the characters, not so much for the audience. Sorta like wanting us to be thrilled by a toaster.

In a super-cute moment, they show a clip of the original Star Trek, assuming that it's documentary footage, and that Spock is an elf.

We heart you William Shatner.

They also have a record player. Cue a weird future old skool dance party that reminds me of a scene from one of the Matrix movies.

Wil and Amberle undergo a random makeover to blend in, because these people are obsessed with the pastel prairie look. But their party clothes are more child TV stars turned post-teen hipster, thanks to the hats.

I'm not naming names but...

Eretria’s new love interest starts talking destiny and fate and choice but somehow he does it in a cult-y way that kind of freaks me out. Amberle hears his evil friend talking about killing Eretria by sunrise. #shecantsitwithus

If you’re into royal news, it’s all good. The Prince changes his mind at the last minute, flashing back to his dead family members, and takes the crown. Woot woot. And yes, I still want him to hook up with the druid. #theshipisstrongwiththisone

The future human settlement is
built on an abandoned Urban Outfitters store. 

Eretria sneaks into the infirmary to get the map for Wil and Amberle, and I start wondering if her drink was spiked? 'Cause the injured guy who doesn’t talk suddenly gets his psychic groove on and says her body is the vessel, and her blood is the key. (Buffy much?)

Music Video Boyfriend interrupts them, and they make out, till Eretria holds him at gunpoint. AWKWARD. (Note: Change relationship status to “It’s Complicated”.)

Truth is the trolls demand a sacrifice each month as a price for letting the humans live in peace, and her friends are the current payment.

I was kinda hoping the trolls would eat Cephelo, since he’s not my fave, but Eretria came and saved the crew. That is, till the humans from the settlement rock up and start a gunfight. 

Out of the blue, Eretria’s pseudo-dad decides to sacrifice himself so our three heroes can make a break for it! Suddenly I don’t want Cephelo to die... 

Maybe next ep Eretria is revealed to be a vampire? I want a vampire character. The Apocalypse gave us elves, trolls and a dragon. Why not a blood sucker? #Shannaralogic

xx

Breakline, episode 7 recap

Wil wakes up in the river all Titantic 2, the sequel that should have been (MORE THAN ENOUGH ROOM FOR BOTH OF YOU ROSE). Luckily Wil still has his stones...!... so he sets off to search for the rest of the crew.

A strange elf guy bleeding from the head tries to beat up Wil, until Wil flashes his own Spock-like points, and we learn about elf hunters and their creepy af Vincent Van Gogh style ear-chopping obsession.

Back at the Palace, the princes and King Fake are discussing important battle plans. We know this is tre legit because the camera does a full 360 pan during the convo and I'm having West Wing flashbacks.

The shapeshifter-posing-as-king says, the demon won’t know you’re coming. And then he excuses himself, presumably to make a call… #catfish

Apparently the river is a go-to hangout—Amberle wakes up there as well. Eretria grabs her before she can make the mistake of talking to the elf hunters, and they dip.

Back in the druid cave Allanon is getting medical care from flashing lights again.

But we don't have time to dwell on this; nudie elf prince action is happening back at the palace. Commander Tilton tries to convince her insecure lova Prince Numero One that rebelling is hella cool, but he wants to impress King Grandpop. 

I missed most of her follow-up speech because omg how did she sleep in iridescent green eye shadow without smudging it? Girl deserves her own youtube channel.

Wil displays more dodgy af healer efforts. This time he pastes mushed plant on the bleeding elf guy that gets his patient wasted. The stuff is like future pot. #stonerWil

We score exposition on the elf hunters and the weird elf ear market that I don't really want to think about. Note: have no chill when it comes to body parts.

Meanwhile Eretria and Amberle are being chased by elf hunters through the forest. They fall into a hole that connects to the underground set of an abandoned MTV teen movie. Ereteria and Amberle bond, while back in the forest Will and his new bf check out the elf hunter camp.

Back in the magic hospital cave the druid starts having visions, almost like he’s being treated by Wil…

Amberle ends up wearing a faded letter jacket from centuries ago which I find deeply hilarious because she is kind of cheerleader material. All a bit meta, as if the actress is guest starring in another MTV show while still in the middle of shooting her own series. #deep

At the same time, new elf guy and Wil interrogate the baddie who cut off the new dude’s ear. Wil’s new elf bf kills the evil hunter because HELLO his earlessness has put him in a bad mood. We finally meet elf guy's other bestie, who happens to be a dragon. #unexpectedmutation

At the underground high school architecture site, elf hunters are closing in on Amberle and Eretria and everything gets a bit Mad Max meets The 100 level cray.

Ahem, also let’s not forget the Princes, who have headed off on a deadly mission and are actually bonding which seems like a bad sign, because without their animosity they’re just costly older actors on an MTV show.

Unfortunately, the elf hunters get the one up on our girls, who are now bffs. Turns out Eretria and the crankiest elf hunter have HERSTORY. Think a harsh scene from Mean Girls (it's like you're in love with me or something)—plus an apocalyptic edge—when Wil comes flying in on a dragon. As you do.

Our 3 heroes are set to bounce when Eretria gets shot by an arrow and falls to the ground, left at the mercy of, well, the merciless ex #omfg

Back to the Princes Clueless, who are pretty much cosplaying every fantasy movie ever at this point. They face off with evil dude Dagda Mor, who seems grumpier than usual—could it be the lack of recent scenes? 

Our villain pulls a double whammy, revealing the king is dead/replaced by a shapeshifter, before offing one of the princes. 

(Party Prince will now get the throne, making this a scene from a seriously dark Prince Harry fan fic.)

The druid saves the new heir to the throne, which is only fair as he’s been a druid groupie from Day One, and mannn would they make a cute couple or what? #Ishipit

Seer Boy Bandon is also rescued btw. We know he’s okay courtesy of a slow body pan up his shirtless chest, just to make sure. Maybe watch this part twice, just to be really, really sure.

Amberle and Wil are waiting for the dragon and newbie elf friend to hopefully bring Eretria back. Amberle shows Wil the gaming dice she found from the past, and I kind of like that link to modern fantasy. 

The flying elf boy Saved By Wil (not his real name) rocks up with a leather hat on that makes him look like Amelia Earhart, but no Eretria. He gives them a whistle so he can get a call back for a bigger part later in the season (fingers crossed).

Cut to the last living Prince returning to the throne room and facing off with the shapeshifter posing as the King. Cue revenge, and the actor playing grandpa gets to die AGAIN. Prince Party—who might need a new nickname at this depressing point in the story—is majorly cut, but druid Allanon's got his back. #shippingthemagain #PrinceAnon #anonprince #help

Till next time, I hope Amberle rolls the dice,

xx