Utopia, episode 8 recap

The episode opener makes me feel sorry for our ex-Rover. They say you spend a third of your life sleeping, but for Eretria a third of her screen time is spent being held hostage, blackmailed, and/or transported as a prisoner.

She’s taken to a human settlement, apparently in Amish country. A tatted-up hot guy from an MTV music video barters for Eretria. The only pro side of being purchased is that she receives medical treatment from someone other than Wil the dodgy healer.

Meanwhile Wil and Amberle are running through the forest. Feeling bad about losing Eretria again, they almost get caught in the troll version of a nasty birdcage with killer spikes.

At the elf Palace seer boy Bandon visits the crazy troublemaking tree Ellcrys that kickstarted this whole adventure. Druid Allanon corners him and goes all Obi-wan again; informing his Padawan he has to become a druid to survive.

Side note: I take back the bit about decent medical care for Eretria. Question for the human settlement hospital. How old must that bag of IV fluid be? That’s pre-Apocalyptic packaging!

Wake up and smell the expiry date!

Music Video Guy informs Eretria she’s free to go whenever she wants—even if he did buy her.

Amberle is having race guilt, since the elves have a harsh record when it comes to human rights violations—not to mention troll rights. But Wil reminds her they’re saving THE WORLD, which is a legit goal, making up for her fam's past.

Amberle suddenly decides to have a romantic discussion. (Could she be more teen girl right now?). Earlier Wil suggested they “rest” before searching for their captured friend, which apparently is future code for hooking up because now they’re gettin' busy…

#gratuitousabshot

…Only to be interrupted by Eretria’s non-dad Cephalus. WHO SUCKS. But he does know stuff, so they join forces again.

Back at Camp Human, Eretria discovers working firearms. Apparently, along with cockroaches, the gun lobby survived the Apocalypse #Ihaveabadfeelingaboutthis Eretria explains the Save The Tree/Save The World storyline she’s committed to.

The future is one long Coachella.

So how are things at the Elf Palace? Turns out Last Prince Standing aint doing so well. Not feeling the king thing, he wants to abdicate. Druid Allanon is hella unimpressed.

Wil and Amberle finally reach the human settlement. Cephelo, who led them there, hugs Wil goodbye, and am I the only one who thinks he stole the stones? Why else would he get touchy?

Eretria is all dressed up but I have an even worse vibe now. The encampment has mastered electricity, which is wildly exciting for the characters, not so much for the audience. Sorta like wanting us to be thrilled by a toaster.

In a super-cute moment, they show a clip of the original Star Trek, assuming that it's documentary footage, and that Spock is an elf.

We heart you William Shatner.

They also have a record player. Cue a weird future old skool dance party that reminds me of a scene from one of the Matrix movies.

Wil and Amberle undergo a random makeover to blend in, because these people are obsessed with the pastel prairie look. But their party clothes are more child TV stars turned post-teen hipster, thanks to the hats.

I'm not naming names but...

Eretria’s new love interest starts talking destiny and fate and choice but somehow he does it in a cult-y way that kind of freaks me out. Amberle hears his evil friend talking about killing Eretria by sunrise. #shecantsitwithus

If you’re into royal news, it’s all good. The Prince changes his mind at the last minute, flashing back to his dead family members, and takes the crown. Woot woot. And yes, I still want him to hook up with the druid. #theshipisstrongwiththisone

The future human settlement is
built on an abandoned Urban Outfitters store. 

Eretria sneaks into the infirmary to get the map for Wil and Amberle, and I start wondering if her drink was spiked? 'Cause the injured guy who doesn’t talk suddenly gets his psychic groove on and says her body is the vessel, and her blood is the key. (Buffy much?)

Music Video Boyfriend interrupts them, and they make out, till Eretria holds him at gunpoint. AWKWARD. (Note: Change relationship status to “It’s Complicated”.)

Truth is the trolls demand a sacrifice each month as a price for letting the humans live in peace, and her friends are the current payment.

I was kinda hoping the trolls would eat Cephelo, since he’s not my fave, but Eretria came and saved the crew. That is, till the humans from the settlement rock up and start a gunfight. 

Out of the blue, Eretria’s pseudo-dad decides to sacrifice himself so our three heroes can make a break for it! Suddenly I don’t want Cephelo to die... 

Maybe next ep Eretria is revealed to be a vampire? I want a vampire character. The Apocalypse gave us elves, trolls and a dragon. Why not a blood sucker? #Shannaralogic

xx